I'm in another low. Ever since the new calendar was hung on it's nail I seem to have crashed. Will I ever get used to this ride? I should be used to it after a year and a half, but I'm really not.
I was driving home from the grocery store on the 1st and suddenly started crying. I feel so removed from you and the reality of it all slammed into my head, as it does from time to time. I cried that I haven't had a sign from you in so long and I kept saying 'I need to see you, I need to see you, I just need to see you'. It's been four or five months since anything really struck me as a message from you.
I pulled into the yard and parked, sat for a minute gathering the strength to carry my purchases up the long flight of stairs, then got out of the car. The very first thing I noticed was the very distinct call of Mr. C, your bird. The bird that for me represents a visit from you. I frantically looked around until I spotted him and I smiled and laughed through my tears. You came. You finally came to see me and just mere minutes after I was begging to see you.
You have no idea how dumbstruck I was. How do you do that? I look out the window almost every day looking for Mr. C but he's never here anymore. He's always been here and suddenly he was just gone.
And then you came. Thank you babe, I am so very blessed to have you.
Wow, those are the times I believe they come to us when the energy is at such a high tensile strength. There is something much more to this life than we can decipher and though I beg for the revelation it is not to be.
ReplyDeleteI have had strong signs too. It's just they are so far in between that I begin to fall from that high and I deteriorate. In my prior life I toyed with what some call kooky, and some of which I agree might be kooky, things like ouija, astrology, meditation etc. but never yet have I been as taken over as I am now in the quest to know, to have proof, to reattach to that which I knew as the love of my life.
The questioning is deep and broad and at times, not traversable, but I still stand. At which point I end up in conflict because I do not have the answer. We do not have the answer. How can that be enough? Eventually I've always gotten my answer. So I keep searching. We keep searching. Why can I not be content with what is?