I cry

It astonishes me how quick I am to cry, how a simple thought can instantly seize my heart and bring it to unbearable pain. Why not take it to a place of happy memories, why does it have to be only to pain?  

Because I speak of crying so often..."I saw this saying, and I cried...I saw this commercial and I cried...", I think people believe that I sit around all day dwelling on the unfortunate events in my life.  That couldn't be further from the truth though...I do everything in my power to NOT think about it.  I try so hard to find the positive, remember the good times, smile through the hurt. But...this grief thing just doesn't work like that. Not for me it doesn't. 

I was driving home from the gym and an older model (antique) car passed and I thought to myself David would love that.  That's all, short, sweet, simple, right?!?  Not for me.  I think it and instantly I hear very loud waves crashing and have a vision of being under water with bubbles rising in front of my face.  Wait...what?  WTF is that, where did that even come from? I frantically shake my head to dislodge the sounds and images but the mood is ruined and tears are flooding my lap.  Again.

It happens ALL the time.  All. The. Time.  It's crazy and scary and exhausting.