In spite of it all and because of it all I am thankful.
I'm thankful for this roof over my head and the heat rising up from the radiators.
I am thankful for the clothes on my back and the running water that keeps them clean.
I am thankful for my pets who I love and love me in return.
I am thankful for my daughter who I worry about relentlessly and I'm thankful she is here to worry about. I'm thankful for the smile on her face that wipes the worry away if only for a moment.
I'm thankful for the friends I call family and the moments they choose to spend with me. And I'm thankful for the friends that I don't see or hear from often, I still hold them dear.
I'm thankful for the food inside of my fridge when so many go without.
I am thankful too for who I am, I'm good and kind and giving when so many are not and there but for the grace of God...
So you see, in spite of the pain and sadness inside my heart I am so very thankful for all that I have been given.
Happy Thanksgiving my David. Happy Thanksgiving dear Evelyn. And Happy Thanksgiving Mrs. C, I hope you are safe and sound and in good company.
Peace
Thanksgiving was too rough to do much more than tuck myself in against the tide of emotions. Can't seem to find reason even with what you mention as being thankful for or maybe its just more that I have lost my spirit. It's gone. I think I had it until recently since I sort of had kept fighting as I was still standing. Now comes the stark reality of realizing I am standing, but I am standing alone, that reality has me reeling backwards. So alone. Weighing the necessity of fighting the brutality of my pain and its ultimate worth to no one else. I am alone. I am sitting with it. That's it. Sitting alone wondering really what its worth.
ReplyDeleteIt's so very sad. My heart breaks for you and me I guess, but I tend to look outward not in.
DeleteAlone you say, and my first thought is to say but you aren't...I am here. Then I stop because I honestly do know how you mean. I feel it too. And the sad thing is there is no way to make someone who may care, understand. No one asks, no one gets it, everyone acts like all is normal and no catastrophic event has ruined one of their friends. No one inquires about your pain. Really though, if they did, what could you say? No words can describe, with the respect deserved, the situation we find ourselves in.
You are so alone Malinda, in your thoughts, in your memories, in your pain...as am I. What I try to remind myself of is there are so very many of us trying the best we can to get through this life we were thrust into. When I sit here alone in my grief I think of you (and a few others) who are sitting alone in theirs and I think of how I don't want that for you and how just my thinking of you in yours makes me not so alone in mine.
And Mrs. C...your pain has worth to me. I think of you and I worry. Often.