August 20th

Gillian has been gone for days now...off visiting with a friend.  I can't tell you how lonely and empty this house is.  How lonely and empty I am.  I'm at such a loss for words, I miss you so so much David.  I miss our life...I miss everything.  I look at your picture and shake my head because I SO don't understand what has happened here.  I am a very lost soul.

Gratitude

Well, I am no richer nor poorer...I did however sleep 8 solid hours, first time in 3 months and for that I have gratitude.

For many many things I have gratitude actually.  Never think that I don't baby, you know me better than that.  I may write about great sadness...a lot.  The shear magnitude of the loss, the void, where you once were brings me there often and I cry.  Many many many times a day in fact, but those moments are fleeting.  They are just little bursts of energy...like fireworks...where you have the HUGE bang of reality and all the little fingers of light that reach far out into the sky but then just as fast they fall backwards and disappear as if ti never was.  Standing there, you know that you were rocked to the core and you still feel the vibrations inside, and you know you are now prepared for the next huge bang to come...

I am still no clearer to understanding, I feel just as lost and confused as to the purpose of all this. How such a dear dear man and a dear dear woman could be chosen, two very gentle souls taken just when they, you were hitting your prime.  I'm not sure I will ever understand David, I'm not sure it could even matter or make any kind of difference in my world...the knowing.  The loss is large, the void is big, the pain is time infinity but the love is far greater than all that.  The love is to infinity and beyond...said like Buzz Lightyear just for you babe.

So now, with gratitude in my heart, I say Good morning lover...and Good morning Evelyn my sweet sister.

Peace, LOVE and happiness!!  xoxo