It astonishes me how quick I am to cry, how a simple thought can instantly seize my heart and bring it to unbearable pain. Why not take it to a place of happy memories, why does it have to be only to pain?
Because I speak of crying so often..."I saw this saying, and I cried...I saw this commercial and I cried...", I think people believe that I sit around all day dwelling on the unfortunate events in my life. That couldn't be further from the truth though...I do everything in my power to NOT think about it. I try so hard to find the positive, remember the good times, smile through the hurt. But...this grief thing just doesn't work like that. Not for me it doesn't.
I was driving home from the gym and an older model (antique) car passed and I thought to myself David would love that. That's all, short, sweet, simple, right?!? Not for me. I think it and instantly I hear very loud waves crashing and have a vision of being under water with bubbles rising in front of my face. Wait...what? WTF is that, where did that even come from? I frantically shake my head to dislodge the sounds and images but the mood is ruined and tears are flooding my lap. Again.
It happens ALL the time. All. The. Time. It's crazy and scary and exhausting.
Facebook Posts to My Husband...
Showing posts with label memory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memory. Show all posts
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Friday, January 17, 2014
It is in the simple gestures that courage comes
One thing I have learned over the past many months is that emotions swing minute by minute...moment to moment.
A relatively normal day can change on a dime, without warning and so swiftly it makes your head spin.
A smell.
A sound.
A sight.
A memory.
A song.
A word or two.
And of course the dreaded visions, which comes with all of the things listed above. The damn visions hit me fast and furious at any given moment throughout my day. They make me feel like I am going crazy...ok fine, crazier than I already was. hehe And really any other thing can send me right into the open arms of a vision. My constant reminder of the horror of those moments, of my helplessness, of how I failed, of my mortality, of all that is lost. But too, of the power of love and faith. That in the precise moment I would fall, a power greater than everything could fill me with strength and allow me to hear your final thoughts on this earth. That is something I pray I will never forget. Never.
And so it is, on a day I struggle to be strong, to be positive and step forward one foot in front of the other, a simple gesture falls in my hands.
The mailman brings me a gift from an old friend. A few words of love and encouragement, of friendship and humanity.
And it is in the simple gestures that courage comes.
I am blessed
A relatively normal day can change on a dime, without warning and so swiftly it makes your head spin.
A smell.
A sound.
A sight.
A memory.
A song.
A word or two.
And of course the dreaded visions, which comes with all of the things listed above. The damn visions hit me fast and furious at any given moment throughout my day. They make me feel like I am going crazy...ok fine, crazier than I already was. hehe And really any other thing can send me right into the open arms of a vision. My constant reminder of the horror of those moments, of my helplessness, of how I failed, of my mortality, of all that is lost. But too, of the power of love and faith. That in the precise moment I would fall, a power greater than everything could fill me with strength and allow me to hear your final thoughts on this earth. That is something I pray I will never forget. Never.
And so it is, on a day I struggle to be strong, to be positive and step forward one foot in front of the other, a simple gesture falls in my hands.
The mailman brings me a gift from an old friend. A few words of love and encouragement, of friendship and humanity.
And it is in the simple gestures that courage comes.
I am blessed
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