September 8th

It has been a while...

While I sit here with time moving forward and the earth spinning the way that it does, I, in fact, feel as though my heart and my soul are not keeping up. The amount of time that has passed is an unimaginable number for me, I feel like it was just yesterday. I look at your picture and I absolutely dissolve with pain and tears. I SO can not believe that this horrible thing has happened, that you are really truly gone and that I have to now really really learn how to live my life without all that you were. Every minute David, every damn minute of every damn day I think of you or something about you. Last night, sitting here alone, pretending to watch t.v. I cried my heart out because I missed your feet. (do not laugh!!!) I missed your beautiful feet that should have, at that moment, been in my lap for me to rub. How pitiful am I??? 

I don't dream of you, you have yet to come to me again while I sleep. I know it is because I told you it would mean that something is wrong with us as a couple if I was dreaming of you...well, in case you haven't noticed babe, something is wrong with us...we are apart...we are never to be near, again. I think it is okay now if you are in my dreams. I need you to come talk to me and tell me you are safe and happy and peaceful. Please. I need so desperately, after what I witnessed, to know that you are okay David. It's okay to come into my sleep. 

I will wait and I will see, and if you do not come that is okay my love. I will understand. I love and adore and long for you always. - Me