Never Forget

The grief swirls inside like a tornado, pushing, pressing, wanting to get out.  It's been bottled up for so many months because I've refused to let it out.  I've refused to really cry or scream or even utter the words that life is unfair, because I was the one who lived.  I'm the one still breathing, moving, and living life.  I still have my future ahead of me.  If I want it.  But I'm not sure I do...

Because life isn't fair.  I should have died that night.  I might as well have because my life ended even though my heart still beats in my chest, even though every second of every day of every month I breathe air in and I breathe it out.  I move through life, an impostor, someone who shouldn't be here.

I can play normal.  I can laugh and joke and smile, but it's just a mask that I wear for special occasions.  Those moments pulse through my body.  It's not something I can define.  No one knows that that moment stays with me every second of every day.  It's always there, pulsing in the background, reminding me.  Taunting me.  I can never forget what happened...and I was left behind.