I have spent almost six months crawling and climbing then falling all the way back down...and doing it all again. I have cried so very hard and screamed so very loud along side of smiling big and laughing hard. I am trying...I am tired...but I am trying. I get up and do, I sit up and read, I put one foot in front of the other because I know that is all that everyone wants for me, that is what my David and Evelyn want for me. I am doing it every day...sew them all together and it has been close to six months.
That being said, I have not found me, the me that was lost along with my husband and my friend. I have not taken care of me, I have been too distracted and focused on trying to climb...I have not eaten well, once a day and nothing substantial, more like snacks. I have not gone outside where I love to be most and walked or biked...I'm too focused on the climb. I've failed to confront the toxic person that has been sucking the life from me for over a year, I've been weak and enabling.
Today a sister drew me to 'attention', she drew me to a place I haven't been in six months...Myfitnesspal...There I found the voice of my friend Evelyn and I read her words to me back in March when I proclaimed that I needed to get my A$$ in gear...she wrote..."Yessssssssssss you do! Get going girl!"
She also wrote this about why she was there..."Life changing things happen every day. I am beginning my life again and need to feel good inside so that I'm not always tempted to just "settle"...Summer is coming and I'd like to be ready this year!!!" Her motivations..."Looking out my window at the water; Need to feel good, time to do something about it!; Need to fit into my clothes again."
From the other side of the stars my friend has kicked my butt into gear...today I made the phone call I needed to make, it's not complete, but I made the call...and I went out and joined the YMCA then grocery shopped for the first time in almost six months, all healthy, all fruit, all veggies, all good.
Today I kicked butt and I owe it all to my sister Laurel.
Facebook Posts to My Husband...
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