Seven

I've been on this seven month journey.  

A journey where each minute lasts a lifetime.

A journey where you should have been walking with me.

A journey where every step hurts for the sharp edges of my broken heart.

A journey where at the start...I died.  I died but didn't leave.

You left.  Evelyn left.  I stayed.

I've looked for your hand to hold,

I've listened for your voice to guide me.

I've searched for your face everywhere I go.

I have not found you and oh how I've looked, how I've prayed.

I died...but did not leave.

I've been on this seven month journey.

Where I am so desperately in love with a dead man...that is something hard to reconcile.

I have had to learn how to live with this new rhythm of my heart, it no longer beats as it once did.

My eyes see different.  The horror is still burned on them, I struggle with that often, but I've learned how to shake my way back to light.  

My eyes see different...they now see for two.

I am moving, I am crawling my way up and out, I am walking forward.

I look backwards as much as forwards...looking for you?  Seeing how far I've gone? 

I'm not sure, it's all so distorted.  Each step is shrouded in pain and fear and confusion.

I know a lot has happened since you've been gone, I know I've traveled a long way.  

I know this in my head...by the page on the calendar... by the chill in the air. 

My heart has trouble accepting it's new reality...it's new forever.

My heart has trouble beating without you David.

It wrestles with accepting new hopes, new dreams, new memories and new joys...but accept it must, and accept it will...some day.

I've been on this seven month journey,  where each minute lasts a lifetime.  I am ready for what comes next.

I love you still, and I miss you always.

XOXO - your girl.