Forgiveness

Today I made a conscious decision to go to the ocean.  I have not been since the Atlantic took my friend Evelyn and my husband David.

My entire life the ocean has been a part of my soul, but the manner in which it has just hurt me has been a struggle for me.  I did not want to blame it, I did not want to hate it...I worked hard at keeping 'everything' in perspective.  

Today I went to say hello.  Today I went to be one with the water once again.  Half way there I felt the tension building...I felt the pull of anxiety.  Half way there I said 'screw it, I can do this.'

I walked onto the sand, the powder fine sand and the first thing I noticed was the high winds and the extremely choppy water.  I sat for a time and just watched it, then I got up out of my chair and walked my sorry ass into the surf and dove head first into the cold Atlantic.  I came up with the taste of salt water on my lips and I said 'I forgive you' and then I dove under again.  I just floated by myself for about 10 minutes and then our daughter came out to float with me.  She said 'Hi mummy, you okay?" and you know what...I was...okay that is.

I did it.