Only love

David and I were blessed to share a relationship based on love and growth and respect.  We did not come together because it was convenient.  We did not come together for financial reasons...HA...What finances?  We did not come together because of the children or for fear of being alone, I was never afraid of being alone.  We came together and stayed together for love...only love.  It was not always easy, we worked hard at it each and every day.  That was the best part about us I believe, we worked well together. 

Coming together in our 40's, with our life lessons made us so very good at talking, listening, understanding, resolving, and growing which ultimately speaks to the respect we had for one another.  I am a FIRM believer and practicer...is that a word...of speaking my mind and teaching someone how to treat me.  I am not demanding, I am not spoiled, I am not bitchy about it.  I say what is and is not acceptable and the rest is up to you.  David was saddened to never have had someone care about him so deeply that they would 'show him the way' so to speak.  It bothered him that "people in my life let me be the fool, allowed me to be less than, helped me be less than and not live up to my potential as a great man."   All his words, not mine.  I thought the highest of him and told him all the time.  I guess that was why I was always so stunned to see 'less than'  from time to time because I just felt he was too good for all that.  I was teaching him that he was far too good for all that.  And he was beginning to believe me.  

Only love.  

The weekend before he died we were sitting at our redneck beach...beach chairs at the end of the driveway facing a big blue tarp covering our bikes which we called the ocean.  Our dream was to live on the water one day.  Anyways, we were catching some rays, sipping our drinks and holding hands and he asked me "What is the best thing about being married to me?"

...without hesitation I said "everything".  Well that disappointed him a little, he wanted more specifics so I said...

"...'everything' means just that, the good the bad and the ugly.  I love our marriage and am very proud of us, our communication skills are awesome and our listening and growing and respect for one another make me very happy.  I love being together and just knowing you are near me is enough...no words need to be spoken.  And above everything the way you make me feel so loved.  I just look forward to spending the rest of our days together."  With tears in his eyes, he agreed and he thanked me for being the only person in his life to love him enough to be all this with him. Sooo, with tears in my eyes now, or sweat...I'm not sure.  I posed the question back at him.  He answered... 

"...You are my best friend, I never really had a true best friend before.  Someone I always want to be near and I miss when you are in the other room.  Leaving for work is hardest because I know there will be a very long stretch of time that we are missing out on and we have already missed so much time.  When you are away from here I feel I could die of sadness and loneliness.  We enjoy each others company, just being together.  Driving together, holding hands...being together is simply a joy for me.  I love you so deeply Kristen, you are my best friend and that is what is the best about being married to you."  

Okay, so by now it is clearly not sweat in my eyes. The man had a way with words when it came to his feelings for me, and I must say NEVER in all my years of life have I felt so truly loved before.  If nothing else, ever again, I can say I had a man love me to the core of his being and I knew it, I felt it and I lived it.  I always say...I am a very lucky girl.

Only love was spoken here.