July 21st

I am sitting alone in a hotel room somewhere in Virginia, it is actually very early Sunday morning, 1am...I'm thinking how strange it is for you to not be sitting next to me.  I heard Pink Floyd in the car and have decided that I feel 'unfomfortably numb'.  I hear myselt talk, I feel myself moving, I know I am functioning but it is all very surreal.  It's kind of like I am hovering an inch or so above the ground and just kind of floating along...it's strange.

I know I talk a lot about how I'm feeling and I think it is because it helps me cope with it all, by recognizing and speaking these feelings I am able to live with them for a time and then walk through to the other side.  I know not to stay in these moments too long.  There is just so much, all that I feel over Evelyn, and ll that I feel over you.  If I did not speak of how I feel I believe I would love my mind completely.  I hope that you understand baby and i hope that you can bear with me...

Well I need to try to rest.  I have the last leg of the trip to finish tomorrow.  Drove 9am to 10:30pm today and another 11 or 12 tomorrow.  Saw a rainbow today too, just before the sky fropped so much rain I couldn't see past the windshield.  It made me think you were helping lead me through the storm.

Goodnight handsome.  I hope to see you when I see you.

Woooo Hooooo!

Touchdown...it is now 9:26pm!  Phew, that is one hell of a drive.  Today we hit the road at 9am, 10am the kids were asleep and I was alone with my thoughts once again.  Of course I cried, what the H else is new!  I cried hard but silent...I miss you so David.  It is such a horrible feeling to live with.  And then, like always, I stopped.  that wave was over.  Afterwards, I said out loud "I need a sign babe, it's been a long time.  I want to see a heart."  Then I looked to the coulds and tried to see if I could fine one.  I thought I did, but then decided it wasn't really one.  And about the time I forgot to be on the look out...there it was.  A white Toyota Corola drove past me on my right.  The rear window was dirty and on the left side was a heart drawn in the dirt, it was as big as the window would allow and I damn near drove off the freakin road.  It had to be about an hour later and I had forgot all about my request and POW.  I love love love you my beautiful husband, you are the true love of my life and you always take such good care of me.  Thank you for my sign lover.  You have NO idea how much it means to me...it's been so long.