July 18th

Well, the night time is over...that is something to be thankful for.  I don't do well alone inside the night.

It is sunny here, very blue sky and probably hot...haven't been out yet to see.  My little boy, who's not so little anymore will leave tomorrow...his 6 week vacation with us reduced to just 2 weeks. I'm very sad for him about that but it can't be helped really.  Things have changed.  all around. Nothing is as it should be, but all is as it is.  It will be good to get back to civilization, back to what has become my home over the past 3 years, it will be good to get back to CITY WATER! 

I miss you David.  I know I say those words a lot, but it doesn't even almost speak to what I really feel.  It is an alone that I never knew was.  I've always liked being alone (to an extent) I've always been perfectly content with myself, I always said I am someone who is fine alone.  this...this new thing I am not fine with, I am not content and I do not like it.  It is a feeling of being empty...the spirit of who I was, the part of me that I have always been is gone.  I lost so much tat day and it scare to know 3 souls as they were are now gone.  I will never be the same...but who will I be? That is the question.  Well, time to visit with Lee for the last time.  I will talk to you later handsome.

Talked about you a lot today my sweet boyfriend, were your ears ringing?  My brother had questions and he was finally capable of asking.  He cried a gut wrenching cry, sobbed actually.  He called you his best friend and spoke of how when he was with us, no matter what was going on or how you were feeling you always greeted him when you came home from work with a "hey brother, how was your day?"  You were one of the only people, in very many years, who made him feel that he deserved kindness, love and respect.  He called you his best friend and is so very thankful that the night before he left RI he took the time to come cook dinner for the two of you.  That was the last time he saw you, that was your goodbye and it is a happy memory.

You were such a good and kind and compassionate man David.  You didn't deserve the way you were treated for so much of your life.  I'm glad you had finally found your soft place to fall and that you had made peace with things from your past.  I love you so very much my David...I will always be grateful for the time we had together.

Please stay close always...love you - Me