July 9th

Another hot and sunny day greets me after another night of little sleep.  Hard night filled with 'the' visions and sounds that I so do not wish to revisit.  I keep trying to figure out what happened and how it turned so ugly so fast.  I see you and I can't reach you...I see you and I think this is ridiculous, just get out of there...I see you, and then I don't.  How the F am I supposed to goforward without you David, this is not what I signed up for, this is not what I want...I don't want this.  I signed up to be with you for the rest of our lives, I sugned up to take care of you and you me, I want to hold your hand and see your face and kiss your mouth.  I don't want this as it stands now.  This is just freaking wrong and I am not even a little bit happy...how am I supposed to live without you.  Damn Damn Damn.

Be near Josh love...he seems down today.  could be because GiGi went to a friends for a sleepover but still, he needs his Dad's hand on his shoulder.

I love you David, I love you so very much.  Please watch over us and help us through our personal nightmare.

xoxo