The heart

At this point,  late July, it has been some time since I've had a sign from my love.  At least any big ones that is.  I have had several small moments when I catch a little glimmer of something and just automatically say "Hi babe".  They could be real, they could just be me wishing.  The ones I write about here are the grand gestures that there is just no denying due to the timing and the circumstances leading up to them.  They are real and you only have to open your heart and your eyes and see to believe.

Summer is when I return to where I lived most recently, before meeting David again.  I return with my daughter to Arkansas to spend many weeks with family and my son who still lives there. It is a time that my husband looks forward to every year because he uses his vacation time and we drive down together along with one of his sons, as a family.  It's a long ride, the kids usually aren't too thrilled, but they have the end destination to ease the pain of it.  This year was going to be a little different...My David wasn't going to be able to make the trip with us.  As much as he wanted to it just wasn't in the bank account for 2 return flight tickets for he and his son.  So that meant neither would come.  In the end, the way life worked, the children and I did make the trip along with David's cremains.  In the end we all got to go.

This summer the trip was only 2 weeks long and on the ride back to Rhode Island just after getting on the road the two kids fell asleep, leaving me alone with my thoughts and my tears. The loss of David is just so huge and painful that I find I cry at the drop of a pin. So this morning, driving, I cried hard and silent, and when I was done I spoke out loud 'I want a sign David, I want to see a heart.  I need this today baby."  Of course immediately I think, I'm driving 12 hours, where the heck am I going to see a heart...ah, the clouds!  So up I look...is that one? No...there? Maybe, no.  I give it a rest and concentrate on driving. Ultimately I forget all about the hunt for the heart and about an hour later on my right a white Toyota Corola pulls past me and I shift my eyes in time to see a HUGE heart drawn in the dirty rear window.  I look back in my lane then almost drive off the road when what my eyes just saw reaches my brain.  A HEART!!!   I am floored, and I am in awe.  This beautiful husband of mine, who is so new to this 'spirit' life of his never ceases to amaze me with the 'signs' he sends me.  It is the only heart I have seen since that very moment.  I asked for it and he gave it to me.  How truly amazing and how truly lucky am I...