1,095 days

One thousand ninety five days...that is how long we have been married. 

 Three years today baby, June 28th,  Happy Anniversary my love.

As I woke up this morning I was struck by how heavy I felt lying in our bed, it was as though I had the weight of the world on top of me.  I don't usually feel that when I wake up, but today I did...  and so I just stayed where I was for a bit.  My usual, open eyes, climb out did not happen.

It occurred to me that peace and love and joy and happiness are like the bubbles in a glass of champagne, they fill you with a feeling of lightness that tickles your nose...when those things are gone all that is left is heaviness and a feeling that there just isn't as much air to breathe as there used to be.  It's very strange indeed.

I loved being married to you my David, I loved what we were building and how hard we were working to make it all come together for us.  There were challenges, but we worked  at them and I am so very proud of us for how we were able to always talk with each other, never fighting, never hurting...only respecting and loving.  Oh there were challenges, but we were figuring them out together...

Now you are gone and my heart is broken, my future is broken, our kids are broken, my life is broken and I have no idea how to put everything, and everyone back together.  We all are going through the motions of living, one step at a time, but nothing is the same.  And I'm scared. 

I say Happy Anniversary to you today my David because you took a chance, you 'went for it', and you showed me a lightness in a 'tickle your nose' kind of way was possible.  I love you so very deeply and I will cherish our marriage always, you are my husband and I am your wife even when ...death do us part.